Last fall a friend received a “Homework Tip” sheet from
their 7th grade daughter’s new school. Parents were directed to check the homework
memo book nightly, supervise the homework and provide all needed help. If books were forgotten, the parent should come
to school – access to lockers was available 24/7!
Makes you wonder whose responsibility the homework is,
doesn’t it?! Many parents take school
expectations on homework way too seriously.
They sit with their children, coaching, nagging and hand holding night
after night. And the more they do, the
less their children do. Families are
held hostage by the nightly homework battle – nerves get frayed, bedtimes get
later and later, and homework takes center stage for the whole family. Parents feel that it is a “good parent”
requirement to make sure the homework is done and done correctly. But all this help only builds dependency and
actually, lowers self-esteem as the child feels increasingly incapable.
Under these conditions, the child is learning absolutely
nothing about becoming a responsible, resourceful human being – and isn’t that
a MAJOR component of the homework experience?
I would suggest that the proper parent role is to MINIMIZE
their involvement. Inquire and be aware of
homework assignments, show interest and an expectation that it will get
done. Provide a quiet place AWAY from
family activity to do homework and basic supplies such as pens, paper, crayons,
and pencils. If the child needs
assistance, tell him to pick up his work from his quiet homework place and
bring it to a parent with his question.
After a couple minutes discussion, send the child back to his homework
haven to continue on his own. If the
child truly doesn’t understand the work, it is a good sign that he needs more
help from his teacher and should ask for it the next day in class. But very often, once sent back to continue
his work alone, the child gathers his wits about him and figures it out. And perhaps most importantly, there should be
a rule about when homework must be done.
In our home it was 8PM at which time the pre-bedtime routine began. When this rule went into effect, my 8 year
old daughter did indeed cry hysterically when homework wasn’t done. I stood absolutely, calmly firm; the kids
faced the consequences in school the next day of not having finished their
homework; and suddenly homework started getting done by the deadline. I am sure my children said fun things like
“my mom wouldn’t let me finish my homework” and I am sure teachers had a few
raised eyebrows. But once we got past
these couple of incidents, homework forever and always became my children’s’
responsibility and was nearly always done and done well.
They learned their school lessons, but they also learned
responsibility, resourcefulness, time management and perseverance – traits that
will follow them throughout their lives!
