I loved raising my kids.
And I always loved each new stage even more than the last one!
Certainly there was some misbehavior. But the misbehavior doesn’t
come close to defining my parenting experience – it was just a subplot woven
through the grand story.
I think my adherence to traditional parenting methods was
the key element that made discipline not a big deal. Sometimes when I write about Rosemond
leadership parenting, people get the impression that traditional parenting is a
cruel, heartless dictatorship. It is
not. It is a clear, calm set of
expectations that children learn to accept.
With that acceptance, they develop more responsibility. With responsibility comes more freedom. As they grow through the preteen and teenage
years, they often have more freedom than their friends. They also learn to think for themselves,
manage their own time and persevere when things are difficult.
Traditional parents solve many problems before they ever get
started. Their leadership guides
children’s behavior from the time they leave infancy. They rarely have to
implement a complicated or long term solution to misbehavior. They use consequences thoughtfully and wisely
such that their children learn that being a good citizen member of the family
is one of their most important responsibilities. But they certainly do use them and don’t
apologize or fret about it.
Because my kids were reasonably well behaved and enjoyable
for family and friends to be around, they had a lot of fun experiences. They really didn’t spend a lot of time in
time-out or being grounded or having privileges withheld.
Within the traditional parenting framework, we had a rich
and fun family life. Family vacations –
from cottages to Disney World. And the birthday
parties! Not the most creative person in
the world, I somehow was a wiz at giving parties that kids loved – treasure
hunts, face painting, dramatic skits, making masks, painting t-shirts and a
wonderful afternoon at the beach for 13 year old boys – I worried they would be
bored but all had a ball! And the daily
routine that went with dance lessons, ball practices, scouting and school
musicals. We insisted on a calm balance
when the kids were in grade school, but as they got older, more independent and
had more individual interests, they did get very busy. But by then, the planning and logistics were
on their shoulders, not mine.
In the meantime I had a busy career and many other adult
interests. That is another key to traditional
parenting – you are available to your children when they truly need you, but
you are actively involved in your adult interests and not at your child’s side
every minute of every day. I did not
have time to micromanage them, so they had to do it themselves if they wanted
to pursue their interests.
Many people feel that parenting is the hardest thing they
have ever done, but with traditional approaches, I found it generally easy and
generally calm. No wonder I loved my
parenting years!
