Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Stop Talking So Your Kids Can Listen!!!!!
CLEAR, CONCISE, STOP
One Mom has made herself this sign and posted it everywhere – both at home and at work. She is completely amazed at the 180 degree change in her child’s behavior since she stopped explaining herself with words, words and more words.
When I first met her, I told her that sometimes the only thing you need to do to command your child’s attention is to use alpha speech, be clear, concise and commanding in your instructions and act like you expect to be obeyed.
But I didn't really think that would happen for them. Their 6 year old was getting daily notes home from school and was wildly defiant with his parents. Also, when I first talked to her, she was speaking so rapidly that she soon had me talking as fast as she was! Neither of us could keep track of where the conversation was going!!
But in just 3 meetings, she really understood that she talked too much. And that the more she talked and explained, the less her son was listening.
Talk about a Herculean effort! But once she stopped talking about behavior, stopped asking him why he was misbehaving, and stopped micromanaging every minute of every day his behavior improved 100%.
Misbehavior at school had meant that he went to his room after school. They had been doing this for months and sadly told me it had no effect. But then they told me they were inconsistent - letting him off the hook if he “forgot” or “lost” the note from the teacher. And when he did bring home the note, Mom asked him the rest of the day why, why, why.
I encouraged them to restate the rule: if his daily note from his teacher is either negative or forgotten, he will go to his room after school. They decided to ask no more questions about whatever the note said – just implemented the consequence. And they did not ride him about EVERY single aspect of his existence.
Within 1 week, they reported a completely changed little boy. Not one negative note for a whole week and an easy, happy child in most every aspect.
I certainly can’t guarantee such great results and I do think this little guy is going to regress and test his parents a bit, but I do know that the absolute FIRST step in commanding your child’s attention is to act like the leader of your family – with a few clear, concise words when giving directions.
CLEAR, CONCISE, STOP.
Yes, it really can be that simple!!!